Heart Problems

Two women show up for church, dressed essentially identically: mid-calf length dresses with a "modest" neckline, hose, and low-heeled pumps.  Hair is neatly done, make-up well-applied but not obvious.  If you were to see these women on a daily basis, you'd probably see variations on the theme, pants some days, sneakers maybe, but nothing that anyone would find particularly immodest.

But their hearts are in two different places -- one, with a heart to worshipping God, and not setting a stumbling block for her brothers and sisters in Christ; the other with a heart to show off just how "modest" she is.  The first has a thriving relationship with Christ, and her wardrobe, lifestyle choices, and daily life reflects that.  The second has a list of rules that she tries very hard to live by, maybe she's a Christian, maybe she just tries to look like one.

Here's the thing -- everything we do is to be done with our heart.  Modesty isn't about how we dress.  Modesty is about not drawing undue attention to ourselves.  Does this impact our clothing choices? It should.  Does it impact whether or not we audition for the solo at church?  It should.

If our heart is not in truly glorifying God, then anything we do is truly just self-glory. It is idol worship, and the idol is ME.

At the heart of it all is the heart. Where is my heart? To Whom (or whom) does it belong?

A Question to Ponder

With last Sunday being Mother's Day, and Saturday being Birth Mother's Day, I began to ponder a few things. One of which is this:
One of the big justifications I hear for having an abortion is "I could never just GIVE UP my baby to someone else!" in a horrified manner. My question is this - how is having your baby murdered any better than giving them up for someone else to love? What makes this option more palatable to so many young women? How have we as a society made it that way? What are we failing to teach or believe that leads young women to this conclusion?
OK, that's more than one question, but it's all related. I have no answers for any of those questions, but I think it's well worth pondering. And maybe making some changes.

Life Isn't Fair, Praise God!

The Cowgirl and I were driving home from a quick trip to the grocery store.  She had spent her own "commission" money and bought treats for herself and her sisters.  As she was trying to figure out how she would divvy up said treats, she asked, "Mama, is this fair?" and then proceeded to explain what each girl would get.
I paused a moment, before explaining to her that "fair" would mean she kept all the treats for herself.  After all, she had earned that money doing chores.  That the word for her behavior was "generous."  I then explained that the Bible says that God loves a cheerful giver, because God Himself is a giver.
Then it hit me...
"Fair" would mean God keeps all the good for Himself.  He earned it, He created it, He gets to keep it!  It would mean Hell for me.  It would mean an immediate cessation of life, an immediate descent into an eternity separated from God.  If God were truly being "fair," life would be a bleak (and short!) trek.
"Generous" is anything other than that.  Even if it isn't what I want.  Even if it isn't as much as someone else has.  Even if it's "bad" by my perception.  God alone deserves all the praise, all the good, all the LIFE.  He alone deserves glory, and peace, and love.  Yet He generously, graciously, cheerfully gives to us, shares with us.  He allows us to live.  He allows us to love.  And most amazingly, He gives us the opportunity to have a relationship with Him, here and in eternity!
This realization seriously changed how I look at many things.  I'm not always mindful of this fact.  I still grumble and complain.  But I am remembering, more and more.  I am becoming more thankful, even as I work through serious disappointments, hurts, and heartaches.

Every time I hear someone complain about unfairness, I hear the elderly ladies of my childhood say. "Life's not fair."  And I think -- PRAISE GOD FOR THAT!

In Search of a Savior

I have recently taken some time away from Facebook.  It didn't really start out as an intentional thing.  I more stumbled into a break, deliberately avoiding FB one day at a time.  Each day, I chose to avoid FB, only checking in occasionally, with no real thought as to this being a real break.

Then I got back on for quite a stretch yesterday, and I was left feeling -- empty.  Like a vacuum.  As I thought about why, I came to a realization about current events...

Our country is searching for a savior.

We're in a highly contested election cycle.  With four actual contenders (two on each "side").  And almost everyone has "picked their pony," so to speak.  Only this time, it seems much more personal. 

Our country is in trouble on many fronts.  The answers as to why, and the "solutions" for fixing this are varied.

I believe, deep down, that we are searching for a savior.  We want someone to come in to fix all the broken things, to right all the wrongs, and to set us on a path to peace and prosperity.  In picking our candidate, many have identified with that person as a "savior."  It's no wonder then that so many get so angry when someone else disagrees with their choice.

Here's the problem -- there is only One qualified to be Savior.  Only One who can right the wrongs, fix the broken, and set us on a path to true peace and true prosperity (as opposed to the temporary, false "peace and prosperity" offered here on earth, often by practitioners of a false gospel).

Sadly, the ones I see most often getting irrationally angry over the perceived slights to their "savior" are those who claim the name of Christ.  The church should be the voice of reason in all of this.  We ought to be able to point people to the One True Savior.

But we can only do this by laying down our idol -- our own false "savior" and praying conscientiously that God's will be done in this election cycle.  Repenting of our own worship of one candidate, one party, or even one system of government.

I can say this because I can fall into this all too easily.  I found myself eight years ago worrying over the election, worrying over who might be our next president.  Now, I wasn't convinced that ANY of our choices was a savior in the wings, but rather that the WRONG choice would be the ruin of our country.  And I "worried" to God.  (I can't say I prayed.  I really just used God as a sounding board for all my worries.)  And He brought to mind this verse -- "Some trust in chariots, and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." Psalm 20:7 (NIV)  I feel safe to say that we can add "government" to that without stretching the meaning.

So I pray that God's will be done, and that He show us mercy as a nation.  Because we have turned our back on Him.  And I will trust that God's will WILL be done.  But know this -- God's will is often very hard, very difficult, and does not look at all like what we "want" in our fallenness.  Because God's will is bigger -- our salvation, not our comfort; our holiness, not our happiness.  God desires us to desire Him, and if things are too good in the here and now, we often don't want Him at all, don't see our need for Him.

I would urge you to ponder this -- how would "YOUR" candidate answer this question -- "How will you be our savior?!  What is your plan to save us?!"  If you are not fairly confident that (s)he would say "I am unqualified to save you, there is only ONE who is qualified for that job," then you may need to rethink your choice.

And if you find you simply cannot lay this idol down, then maybe consider sitting this election out. I would argue that it's more important that you search God and trust HIM than that you "do your civic duty" and vote.

If you're looking for a Savior, then please, PLEASE find a Bible and read the book of John.  Or find a Christian, one you see living out a life of service, and ask them to explain it to you.  But don't look to mere humans.  We will let you down every time.

Why Autism Friendship is a Thing of Beauty

        There is beauty in friendships.  Friendships of all kinds, but there is a unique beauty in friendships with people on the Autism Spectrum.  The Doctor's best friend has Autism.  (For this post, I'll call him "the Friend," for his and his family's privacy.)

        Now, there are a few things you should know about my family and me before I go any further:

        1.  None of my children are on the spectrum.  They are all

        neuro-typical.  This is not a point of pride, just a statement of

        fact.

        2.  I am not advocating for people with Autism.  I am woefully

        unqualified to do this.  Plus, I find it awkward when people try

        to advocate for "other" groups.  At best it comes across as

        patronizing, at worst, it comes across as offensive.  (You know,

        the "Be kind to the poor [fill in this blank with a random group]

        people.  You might be the only friend they have!"  Makes me

        want to hurt someone.)

        3.  I am also not advocating for parents of children with Autism. 

        They are the best advocates I know, and no one has asked me

        to advocate for them.  It, quite honestly, is not my place.

        4.  I AM advocating for my own children.  After all, they're the

        children I love best in the world, and the ones that I advocate

        for most naturally!

        With all that in mind, I want to give you the reasons that I am so thankful that the Doctor has a dear friend with Autism:

1.     Acceptance.  What could be better than someone who accepts you for who you are, without manipulating you into feeling like you need to change to be loved?  Well, that's what the Doctor has found in the Friend.  He has NOT ONCE ever made her feel like she's "less worthy" of his friendship.  He has never manipulated her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

2.     Another mom loves my child.  Along with #1, the Friend's mom LOVES my child.  (Well, all three of my children.)  She is in "the Doctor's corner" so to speak.  Take a moment to let it sink in how HUGE that is.  It's hard to find that within families, let alone friends.

3.     Total family acceptance.  The Friend not only cares for the Doctor.  He has accepted all three girls totally.  Fidget is often the recipient of his care.  I'll give you a quick story to summarize what this looks like.  The Friend's mom and I took all our kids to a movie one time.  Fidget got upset about half-way through, and the Friend loaned her his brand-new stuffed animal to comfort her.  He didn't make a big deal out of it, he just saw her crying and did what he could to make it better.

4.     Understanding and empathy.  This is another "story" one, because the Friend's actions explain it best.  One Sunday after church, the Doctor was upset because her paper tore.  So, he hunted down a new piece of paper for her.  No fuss, no big deal made, just saw a hurting friend and did what he could to fix it.

5.     He lends her his "brave."  The Doctor had always been cautious, often to the point of fearful.  (She is the oldest after all!)  She wants to know it's all "safe."  But the Friend isn't concerned as much about "safety."  (Sensory Processing Disorder and Autism often go hand-in-hand, and the Friend is no exception.)  He is very physical, and while he has NOT ONE TIME ever made the Doctor feel like a scaredy cat for not following, he has encouraged her to test her limits.  As a result, she is far more confident in her own skin, and in the world around her.  He has helped her overcome her fear simply by taking her along if she's willing, but being perfectly content to do things alone if she isn't.  How many friendships can make that claim?  Encouragement without manipulation.  It's a beautiful thing.

6.     This one is completely selfish -- drama-free friendship for me.  The Friend's mom and I have become close.  I don't have to feel bad when last-minute plans fall through, because she has learned an amazing amount of flexibility.  We rarely make "hard and fast" plans, because we have ten kids between us!  But if I need something, she's the first on my call list.  She can keep a confidence like no one else.  And she loves my kids.  If something comes up, she's not going to be "sharing" with 354 of her best friends on FB.  If I have to cancel, I can be honest, and disappointed, without worry that she'll think I don't care about my kids, or her, or whatever else.  She understands.  What a gift!

7.     The beauty of "messy life" lived honestly together.  Life in this fallen world is messy.  Always.  All too often, our "friendships" are based only on the best, most polished bits of us.  This breaks down quickly with a "special needs" family.  The beauty of this for me is this -- I don't feel like I need to keep up the "spit-shined" image, either.  When I am tired, or weepy, or struggling, I have a true friend who will listen, and pray for me.  And still keep caring.

        OK, I think this is long enough.  But I think it's time that NT parents advocate for our OWN children by fostering friendships with children on the spectrum.  Not because our children "can learn a lot" from the "patience" needed, nor because "those children NEED our children to befriend them."  (Seriously, I've seen that attitude several times, and it makes me SICK!)  Rather because, these friendships are an absolute gift, a treasure, rare and beautiful for the NT kids.  And their mamas.

When I am Forgotten... But Not Really

Today I heard good news from a friend about mutual acquaintance.  And I was happy for her.  And sad for myself.  And more than a little envious.

Oh, I don't want to take her blessing away.  I just want a similar blessing for myself.  Desperately.  I have prayed for YEARS for a miracle that would allow this blessing in my family's life.  I have cried, pleaded, begged for this same blessing from God for such a long time.

And still I wait.  So often, I feel forgotten.  So often, I feel as though there is no plan, no miracle for me.  I struggle.  I cry.  I sob and beg.  And still, nothing.  Silence.  No miracle, no promise, no hope of a miracle.

Sometimes, it's easy.  Sometimes, I can let life just go on as it is.  Sometimes, I get derailed by the wonderful blessings of others.  And it seems unfair.

Because God does not promise us health, or wealth, or happiness, or even our wants.  He promises that all will work together for good for those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.  But that good may very well await in eternity, not now or here.

Sometimes, all I can cling to, all I can cry is an echo of the apostles, "To whom shall I go?  You have the words of eternal life."  Where else can I go?  I'll admit, if there truly was an easier way, I'm sure I'd at the very least be tempted to take it.  Some days, I so badly want to throw in the towel.

But I'm reminded that this isn't about me.  It's not about what's in it for me.

"Q: What is the chief end of man?
A: Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever."  (Westminster Shorter Catechism.)

That's what it's about.  Glorifying Him.  Sometimes -- OK, often -- I cannot see how He will be glorified in the circumstances, how His glory will shine through my situation.  I cannot see the good that He's working.  But then I look again -- it's my job to glorify Him through all of this.

Even when I feel forgotten.

Even when it seems unfair.

Even when what I long for, what I cry out about is a good thing, a blessing only He can provide.

Even when it seems that there is no plan.

Even when I cannot see the next step.

Even when I cry, beg, plead, and Heaven is silent.

I must -- I must -- glorify Him.  After all, He has the words of eternal life.  He's the only one who does.

"The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21b).

10,000 Hours

I've been hearing and reading an interesting tidbit of information.  Apparently, it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become world-class at something, anything.

That got me to thinking... 10,000 hours...  at 10 hours per day, that's about two and three-quarter years.  At the other extreme, one hour a day, a bit under twenty-seven and a half.

I guess here's the thing.  I'm going to be doing something for those 10,000 hours, right?  What will be my world-class skill?  Rocking-chair jockey?  Homeschool mom?  Wife?  Loving individual?  Servant?

I would imagine that 10,000 hours needs to be deliberate, a choice.  One that includes learning new skills, acquiring a deepening knowledge and understanding of the skill at hand.

I guess it's mostly a wake-up call.  Assuming no ill health, and no insomnia, I'll have been awake for 10,000 hours by (roughly) 1 November 2016.

What will I do with those 10,000 waking hours?  What goals, dreams, skills will I work on?  Where -- and who -- will I be 10,000 waking hours from now?

OK, enough philosophizing for now.  But it is an interesting thought to ponder, isn't it?

Encouragement

Dear Fellow Moms --
I see you in Target, in Wal-Mart, at the library, in the grocery store.  I see your online comments and blog posts.  You have a small family, a big family.  You breastfed, bottle-fed, or some combination.  You vaccinate, or don't.  You work outside the home, or are a full-time homemaker.  You homeschool, public school, private school your kids.

Your decisions are different than mine, but made for the same reason -- you are doing what you believe best for your family and children.  You are struggling with your choices, worrying that you are going to permanently ruin these amazing short people that God has entrusted to you for a time.

You sometimes cry yourself to sleep at night, worrying that one of the loud critical voices in the mommy wars will be correct, and you will wake up one morning and your children will hate you.

You are tired, tired of having the same conversation every single day.  Listening to the same fighting at the breakfast table.  Of teaching the same lesson for what seems to be the 437th time this school year.

Mostly, though, you are tired of having to defend yourself against attacks that come from people who do not know what went into the decisions your made, the research, prayers, tears, and finally surrender.  The faith that you cling to that God is ultimately in control, and that your decisions will honor Him for that reason.

I see you.  My decisions may be different than yours.  The particulars of my life are certainly different than yours.  But here's the bottom line -- God gave you those children to rear.  Not me.  Not your neighbor, not your cousin, not the friend-of-a-friend on Facebook who decided to "correct your thinking" on some decision or other of yours.  Despite the fact that she's never even met you.

I see you, and more important, God sees you.  He sees the struggle you have daily to serve this beautiful family, to be a servant as He has called you.  He sees your heart for them, which stems from your heart for Him.  And it is to Him you will ultimately answer, not to anyone else.

So, let's make a pact, you and I.  You go on living for your audience of One, and I will do the same, and I will encourage you along the way as best I can.  Maybe a smile.  Maybe picking up that pacifier that your little one dropped for the 963,082 time this shopping trip.  Maybe by educating my children about the differences of other children.  Maybe by crying in my car as my heart breaks for you in your struggles.  And you do the same.  I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, assume that you truly do have your children's best interest at heart, that you are truly competent to raise these small ones entrusted to your care by their Creator.  And you do the same for me.

Let's see each other -- truly see each other, and look past the superficial differences and to the heart of each other.  Let's stop the mommy wars, as much as we are able.  Let's be at peace with each other, in so far as it is up to us.  I'll trust you, encourage you, and cry for you at times, and you do the same for me, OK?

Let's fight this good fight together, teach our children to see people, not issues.  After all, if God had wanted sameness, He could easily have made us that way.  It seems to me that He likes the nuance, the beauty of the differences in His children.

Leadership Matters

Don't know why this is weighing on me, but it is...

Growing up, I received some pretty theologically awful answers to the hard questions I was prone to ask.  It seemed like any doubting was to be squelched, and tough questions were to be ignored or given pat answers.  Sometimes dangerous pat answers.

Take for instance my (terrifying) question, "What is the unpardonable sin?"  This was a question I asked during my teen years, and was given the answer, "Sinning away the day of grace."  WRONG.  Jesus clearly said that blaspheming the Holy Spirit is the one sin that will not be forgiven.  Anyone with a fairly mediocre reading comprehension can figure that out.  I wanted to know what He meant, but further questioning was highly discouraged, and I spent YEARS terrified that I would commit the unpardonable sin unknowingly, unintentionally.

Or take another situation that faces many people in our churches today -- depression and loneliness.  I'm not talking about cabin fever, or the "let down" feeling that some feel around the holidays each year.  I mean real, dark, clawing loneliness and/or depression that many in our churches struggle with daily.  Growing up, it was made abundantly clear that "real Christians" do not feel abandoned or deep loneliness or depression.  WRONG.  It's sort of the emotional equivalent of telling someone that "real Christians" don't get cancer, or Alzheimer's, or MS, or any myriad other debilitating illnesses.  Christians have the SAME struggles as everyone else.  We are still part of this fallen world.  Joyfully, Christians will NOT feel these things once we've received our new bodies in Heaven, BUT we are not there yet. 

And this is why leadership matters.  Humble leaders will admit they do not have all the answers, but will not grow angry at the questions.  Godly leaders will always root their answers in the Bible, not in a more comfortable tradition of man.  True leaders will be searching the Scriptures, submitting to the correction of the Holy Spirit where they have been wrong, or incorrect in their understanding.

Finding these leaders is not easy.  Often those who encourage questions do not then stand on Scripture.  They do not give Biblically sound answers, and many times their answer will depend entirely on the situation.  Others will root themselves in biblically sounding answers and catch-phrases and angrily reply to earnest questions.  Sadly, both of these types gain a large following.  And lead many astray.

Being this kind of leader isn't easy, either.  Encouraging those under our leadership to question, while admitting we do not have all the answers is humbling.  It's so much easier to give a quick answer, or to grow angry with deeper questioning.

But here is what I remember about growing up in a situation where questions and uncomfortable emotions were met with anger, it teaches that God is not big.  That vision of God is too small.  He created us, He knows us far better than we know ourselves.  He is fully big enough to handle our questions, to guide us into a bigger, better understanding of Himself and His purposes, and plans.

I still struggle with doubts about many things.  Some (not all!) of those doubts and fears probably stem from the theologically unsound answers I received from leaders growing up.  Some of my struggles could have been lessened with answers truly rooted in the Bible.

This is one of the reasons I encourage my girls to ask questions, one of the reasons I encourage them to seek out our pastor to answer questions.  They sit with us during church services, and many times the Doctor or the Cowgirl will have a question about either the passage specifically or about the sermon.  I am many times amazed at their questions, given their relatively young ages.  The Doctor especially asks deep questions.  The Cowgirl often wants to know the traditions, or culture behind the passage.  They are quick to notice inconsistency in either content or application.

Basically, leadership matters.  Their view of God will color your view of God, either to strengthen your faith, or to put stumbling blocks that lead to doubt.  And your view of God will color someone else's.  Be careful whom you follow, and be careful where you lead.

The Unworthy (Terrible) Servant

I have been struggling for a while.  For a long time (years, maybe), I begged God to allow me to see myself as He sees me.

In my mind, I had visions of being assured of being His beloved child, of Him showing me how much He cares.

Instead, the passage that leapt out at me one morning was Luke 17:7-10.  Yeah.  Not what I wanted to hear.  Not a passage I can recall ever hearing a sermon on, in fact.  "Unworthy servant?!"

I cried.  Several times over the next several days.  Each time my attitude about something stunk, I would pray, "I am an unworthy servant."

See, I am a terrible servant.  I don't WANT to serve.  I want to be left alone, to be allowed to do my thing, or sometimes, for others to serve me.  I want to help those whom I choose, when I choose.  And my heart rebels at the thought of being God's servant.  And admitting my unworthiness.

I've been struggling again more recently.  Rebellion against the whole servant thing again.  It happens a lot with me.  Some people seem to naturally serve.  Not me.

The verse that keeps coming to mind? Galatians 6:9 "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."  Mostly, the "do not grow weary" part keeps reverberating in my head.  But I am weary.

So what to do?  I pray.  I am learning to pray differently.  To focus on how much I have been forgiven, on what I am to do, not on the shortcomings of others.  I am learning to ask that God change ME, my heart. my attitudes, and actions.

I am just beginning to see that I need to be doing things in service to God.  In the story in Luke, I believe that God is the Master.  It's Him I am serving, not people.  Yes, the people around me may benefit from that service, but the service must be rendered to God, because He commands it, not because they need it, or I can do it, or it's convenient to my schedule.  So, I guess it's time for changes.  Changes that do not come easily to me.

Left to myself, I would not serve.  My very being rebels at the thought.  But I am a new creation in Christ, so serve I must.  Starting with those closest to me.  The ones who know me best, and the ones that I most expect to serve me. 

Good night, and God bless.

Ugly Speech (or Why I Rarely am Controversial on Facebook)

Facebook -- I love it and I hate it.  I have a FB page, and several friends.  Many of whom do not agree with me, or with each other, on various topics.  Most of these topics are benign, like whose baseball team should win the World Series, or whether Clemson University or the University of South Carolina has the best football team.  (Go Tigers!)

Some of these things, however, are controversial.  Like abortion, corporal punishment, the Second Amendment, school choice, capital punishment, and politics.  I have opinions on all those topics.  Very strong opinions.  But I very rarely, if ever, voice them on Facebook.

Why?

Several reasons, really, the main one being I don't like where "discourse" in this country is going.  Or not going, as the case may be.  One person jumps on FB and posts a comment with a strong pro- or anti- opinion on one of the above topics.  Someone else jumps in with an opposing view.  Sometimes, they are civil.  Most of the time, they are not.  Then the original poster gets angry, and the original two, plus various supporters on each side, jump in and call names, cast aspersions, get ugly and personal.  It's just not worth it.

I am called to be salt and light in this world.  Christ said that the world will know us by our LOVE.  Not by our clinging to our "rights" or clinging to our opinions.  I cannot win someone to Christ if I will not love them.  And calling ugly names is not loving someone, no matter how important the issue is.  It will not matter in eternity where someone stood on the sanctity of life if they have rejected Christ.  And woe to me if they reject Christ because of me, because they know I claim His name.  Christ was humble.  Yes, He stood up to corruption within His people.  He called THEM names, said "harsh" things to them.  But why?  Because He was zealous that people be able to get to Him, and to His Father, and these people were standing in the way.

Sound much like today's discourse with so-called Christians?  Are we standing in the way of people coming to Christ by the way we talk, to them and each other, when we disagree?  Would those names that Christ called the Pharisees and other leaders of HIS people back then fit us today?  Would they fit me?  All too often, the answer is "yes."

I'll admit -- this is an area of weakness for me.  I like being "right."  I like having just the thing to say to fire back at someone who is "wrong."  I know if I post something, or comment on something, that a firestorm might ensue.  That things will be said to me, and I will say things back.  And I will have hard feelings toward the person who was harsh or just plain mean.  So, I keep my thoughts to myself.  I prevent myself from sinning in the future by not speaking now.  Generally, the point I would have made is already being articulated by someone else anyway.  It's a way of loving others for me.  Others can handle the back-and-forth with grace; without firing back, or holding a grudge.  I struggle with those two things, so I keep quiet.

Another reason is this -- I will not change someone's mind with a FB post.  I will not make someone see things "my" way.  And they will not change mine.  The best I can hope for is an "agree to disagree."  Which, in my opinion, is best done one-on-one and face to face.  You see, tone is lacking on a FB status or comment.  I may write something that is sarcastic in my head, but it may be read seriously.  (Or vice-versa.)  Plus, once something is "out there," it is out there for all time.  Ten years from now, that topic may be moot, but the harm I may have caused will still stand.

Finally, I do not know everything about everything.  Often, the topic involves the "controversy du jour."  And I rarely have all the facts.  I do not know the situation, the ins and outs of various things.  Sometimes, what seems to be the case isn't, and the unlikely is exactly what happened.  It is best to hold my tongue (or, as it has been said, "better to be silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.")

So, generally, I keep quiet on controversy on FB, saving my opinions for those who know me and my heart.  Afterall, my primary objective is to be salt and light, and the best way to do that is to LOVE others.

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving.  A day for giving thanks.  To whom?  Well, originally, it was meant to thank the Creator God for all He has done for us...

Of course, we should thank God each day for that day's blessings.  Ideally, we would live in moment-by-moment communion with Him that includes giving thanks in all things.  Yes, all things.  Not so easy, particularly when we don't see the good in any given thing.

So why set aside a day each year?

I think, in part, because it's so much easier to complain.  It's so much more "natural" to focus on the things that are wrong, the things that need to be changed.  We focus on our pain, our disappointments, our unhappiness.  We so long for perfection that we fail to see the beauty in the middle of the mess. 

So we set aside one day each year.

But that day seems to have lost its focus.  Sure, people post random thankful posts on Facebook and other social media sites, but mostly, it seems, that Thanksgiving is more the "gateway to holiday shopping."  We have turned it on it's head.  As soon as Halloween is over, the "Holiday shopping" sale papers begin to come out, ads for what "super deals" we can score for "the holidays."

What if we truly decided to make the holidays about their original purpose?  What if we made Thanksgiving about truly being thankful to a Creator who loves us, who blesses us in the midst of our sinfulness?  Who, ultimately, longs to spend eternity with us, and who made that possible?  What if Thanksgiving DID become a gateway to a time of anticipation of Christmas, not for what we are about to "get," but for what we've already been given?

What if Thanksgiving kicked off a season of gratefulness and of blessing others?  What if, instead of stressing over the "perfect" gift for "the man (or woman, or child, or teen) who has everything," we focused on making ONE person's day better each day, giving one person a reason to be thankful that day?  What if we spoke kindly, smiled more, spent less time stressing over "perfection" and just thanked God in all circumstances?

Start with the cashier the first time you go shopping during this stressful time of year.  Smile at the cashier, call them by name (kindly), and thank them (sincerely) for helping you.  Ask about their day, sympathize with their troubles.  Standing on your feet all day is very hard work.  Treat them as you want to be treated at the end of your day.  (No, don't give them a foot rub.  That would be weird.  And possibly criminal...) 

Move on to the post office worker when you're mailing mountains of boxes (or cards).  Maybe take a treat for them to share within the post office.  (This probably works better in smaller towns.) 

Knit mittens or socks or hats for a homeless shelter.  Make baby blankets for a crisis pregnancy center, or a women's shelter.

Make "angel baby" blankets for the local NICU.  (These are small blankets/quilts given to families whose babies do not survive.  Sometimes they are used for burial, sometimes, they become a special "something" that the family keeps as a memorial.  Talk to your local NICU.  Many of them desperately need these, and very much prefer handmade over those impersonal hospital issue blankets.)

Basically, remember all the ways you are blessed, and do something for someone who is not similarly blessed.  Thank God and then do something.  Make Thanksgiving count.

Weighing in on Ferguson

Here in the US, it seems like events in Ferguson, MO are on everyone's minds.  Many loud voices have added their opinions to the mix, many people have shouted each other down, called each other names, and generally said mean and hateful things about all parties involved.  Mostly, it seems to be along the lines of, "If you don't agree with ME, then you are WRONG, and EVIL."  Sadly, this seems to be what passes for "discourse" in our country any more.  (But that's a whole 'nother post for another time.)

But what seems to me to be missing, at least from what I can see, is a looking at the humanity of the situation.  In all the name-calling, and anger, and screaming from both sides, no one is looking at the genuine heartbreak.

A man has died.  And that's exactly what he was -- a man.  A young man, yes, but a man nonetheless.  He was not a child, not an "innocent" as so many want to portray him.  He was old enough to vote, to defend his country, to enter into a legally binding contract.  Barely, but he was.

Now, he stands before his Maker.  That's all that's left.  The Bible says, "...it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment," (Heb. 9:27, NASB)  The bigger, eternal question is this -- was he ready?  Aside from the hype, aside from the angry voices, was this young man ready to meet his Maker?  If not, he is in a sad state indeed.

You see, the manner of death has NOTHING to do with his eternal destination.  The violence, or calmness, of one's passing does not determine where one spends eternity.  I cannot make the determination on his soul's eternal home.  Thankfully, that rests with the Righteous Judge.  But I do know this -- his decision is now final.  He cannot change it.  What he decided in this life is now his decision to live with for eternity, for better or for worse.

So, my takeaway is this -- be ready.  We never know when this is the end.  It could come when you are young, youngish, oldish, or old.  I could walk out the door today, be hit by a car, and die.  I know where I am going.  Do you?  Do your family, and friends?  Please, please, don't wait until the decision is unchangeable.  Grab hold of Christ, follow Him, lean on Him, obey Him.  Make Him Lord -- truly Lord -- of your life.  Then, no matter the manner and timing of your death, you will be ready.  You can live and die without fear of judgment.  "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Rom. 8:1, NASB)

Creation and the Fall

Recently, I was struck by how much beauty there still is in this world.  When Adam and Eve sinned that first time, much that is unlovely entered the world.  Death, decay, disease, difficulty during work, and painful childbirth, just to name a few.  But God did not remove ALL the beauty.  There is still much beauty that surrounds us.

Laughter, mountains, the ocean, flowers, hummingbirds.  My children's faces, marriage, music.  All were left for us to revel in, to see and thank God for.  A starry night, good food, friendship.  He could have taken all of this away.  After all, it's what we deserve.  Hell, whether here on earth, or for all eternity.  It's no more or less than we have earned.

But He didn't.  He left many beautiful things for us, to point us to Him.  How like God.

Lessons for my Children -- I Mean, Me!

I have been reading the Little House series aloud to the girls each afternoon, about a half-hour a day.  As we read the stories, I marvel at the sweetness of both Laura and Mary.  I am touched by how little they "neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed" or even want.

And I am tempted.  I am tempted to point out to my children, "See, girls!  You see how Laura and Mary were excited to receive a cup for their Christmas present?!  And how a peppermint stick and a little cake were a bonus, and more than enough?  And how that shiny penny apiece were 'almost too much'?  See girls, they didn't have much at all, but were thankful for every little thing."

But then I am reminded to look at Caroline.  "Ma" cooked over an open fire, either outdoors (let that sink in -- she did all her family's meals camping-style, even when they lived in a house!) or indoors (over her fireplace).  Glass windowpanes were a luxury not always to be had, and when Charles brought home fabric for her to make a new dress for herself, she didn't tell him she'd rather have picked the fabric herself.  No!  She told him it was all too much.  Her heart was that of a homemaker, a loving wife and mother.  She had so little, and asked for not much more than that.  And she was thankful for it all.  She found reason to be thankful when her chimney caught fire and almost burned her home and family down.  She found reason to be thankful when her home was burglarized as she and her children were standing there, looking on, unable to stop the thieves. 

And I am convicted.  I have so much -- too much, if I am honest.  All of my needs, and the vast majority of my wants, and yet I want "more."  Instead of thankfulness, my heart is greedy.  I know that more, bigger, newer, faster, better won't make me happy, but I sure want to find out for myself.  Just to make sure.

The little apples don't fall far from the tree, I'm afraid.  If I am ungrateful, I cannot expect to find gratefulness in my children.  If I am constantly seeking fulfillment in "stuff," I cannot be exasperated when I notice my children doing the same.  I cannot lecture them into a better way.  If I do that, all I am teaching them is hypocrisy.  I am teaching them that as long as the words are correct, the works don't matter.  And that is a lesson far too easily taught and learned in this world.

So, I keep these thoughts to myself.  I am learning.  And one day, maybe I'll understand this whole parenting thing.  Possibly in time for the grandbabies to start coming.

I Am NOT Enough

There are several posts/pins floating around Facebook and Pinterest (and maybe other places, but I'm only on those two.)  It goes through various statements about "I am ...."  and ends with "And I am enough."

But that's simply not true.  I am not enough.  I am not enough by design.  I am not enough for my husband, my children, my parents, friends, brother and sister, and so forth.  I am not enough even for me!

I have tried the whole "being enough" thing.  And the weight is too much to bear.  I have tried to do it all, or at least give the appearance of doing it all.  I have tried so very hard not to need anyone else.  And I have failed miserably in the attempt.  And yet, I continued to try.  And worse, I looked to others to "be enough" at times.

Here's the thing -- there is One Who Is Enough.  But only One.

And my "not enough-ness" is designed to point me and others to His enough-ness.  My finite capabilities to meet needs, solve problems, and take care of things is not an accident.  God does not do things by accident.  He wants us to depend on Him,  He wants us to look to Him as our "enough."  And then, He wants us to point others to Him as enough.

So, if I set myself up as "enough," then I hamper others.  I put a stumbling block between them and God.  I set myself up in God's place in their lives.  And that is a very dangerous thing indeed!

When I claim to be enough, even for me, I make the claim to not need God.  But I am finite.  And the need is infinite.  I have limits, but the need is deeper, broader, and far more than my limits can reach.  You see, the true need is salvation, a relationship with the Creator.  And I cannot meet that need.  I cannot save anyone, not even myself.

I am not enough.  And that is the glorious, freeing, scary truth.

The Other Side of Boredom

          It seems like everywhere I look, someone is pinning or posting or blogging about boredom and children, with titles similar to "27 Activities Guaranteed to Beat Boredom!" or "101 Boredom-Busters to Help Your Kids Have the Most Fun This Summer!" or "Be the Coolest Mom EVER!  Tips to Keep Boredom at Bay This Summer."  (Note: none of these are actual titles.  I just made them up based on pins and blogs and posts I've seen.  Though, some titles really are that silly!)  This is my response to that whole category... 

          Here's how the conversation has gone in our house a few times per child, usually sometime between their 4th and 6th birthday:

          Child:  "Mama, I'm BOOOOOOORED." (glassy eyed stare)

          Me: "Boredom is good for you." (unblinking stare, and silence)

          It usually only takes a half-dozen or so times for them to learn that their boredom is not my problem, and they stop.  If this happens again when they are older, I will quote the saying, "only the boring get bored" or maybe find another such quote for them then. 

          Why do I believe that boredom is "good" for them?  It's what I have seen that lies on the other side of that boredom. 

          Boredom is the monster lurking at the end of entertainment.  It's the sneaky swamp-thing that lies at the end of the movie, or the dull nothing at the end of a book.  It's that beast that dulls the mind after a party or outing or field trip.  I have found that boredom most often comes when I am left to my own devices to come up with something to occupy my time and thoughts. 

          But at the other end of boredom, when I have faced that monster, that swamp-thing, that nothing, is my creativity, my imagination, my best and brightest self.  The overcoming of boredom, if channeled well, is beauty, and creation, and fun!  If not channeled well, this can become destructive, ugly, and mean.  I must choose, and choose well! 

          Mastering boredom helps my children exercise their imaginations, to test what they are capable of, to see the beauty of their own imagination.  I have watched them make toys from paper and tape, read books that challenged their reading level, create their own games, turn sticks into ninja swords (then run across the yard, brandishing their ninja swords at imaginary enemies), and many other things.  All because of boredom that was channeled or staved off because of active imaginations. 

          If I had chosen to entertain them instead, none of these things would have happened.  And, knowing my children, the entertainment would have ended, leaving a vacuum (boredom!) that had to be filled time and time again.  It becomes an endless spiral.  For my girls (and I suspect, most children), the more "entertainment" given to them, the quicker the boredom sets in.  When largely left to do their own entertaining, I seldom hear "I'm bored!"  (Almost never, in fact.) 

          I guess I need to remind myself of this, under the relentless pressure to prove I'm a "good mommy" by endlessly entertaining my children, or providing them expensive and electronic means to entertain them.  As I see pin after pin or read blog after blog or FB share after FB share of what "good mommies" are doing to entertain their children, I often wonder if I am messing up.  Then I look outside and see my dirt-covered children smiling and laughing in the back yard, making up their own games and feeding crickets to the chickens.  And I realize I'm not.  I realize I don't actually feel the conviction do be doing these things, just the "mom-guilt" because I'm comparing myself to others.  I'm picking that burden back up, one I'm not meant to carry.