"Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" (part 2)

In part 1, I discussed the fact that we are not loving people well when we accept the sin...  (The TRUTH part of speaking the truth in love.)

Now I want to discuss the LOVING part of speaking the truth in love.  Otherwise, we're just Westboro "Baptist Church".  (I put those last two in quotes on purpose.  They are not a real church.)

We must be careful when we confront someone, or let someone know that something is a sin.

I find this a pretty simple procedure for me (even though I don't always follow it!)  The question is -- "How do I react when someone disagrees with me on this?"  If I am loving them, a decision to continue in sin will break my heart and drive me to prayer.  If I am simply being driven out of a desire to "be right," I will get angry.  All too often, I am speaking out of a desire to be right.

Am I gloating over how "wrong" the person is, how "holy" I am?  Am I behaving like the Pharisee in Luke 18:10-14?  If so, I need to work this out FIRST, through prayer and repentance. 

Will I rejoice at their repentance because it restores (or brings them into) a relationship with God?  If so, then I can go ahead.

Also, I need to ask why the person should listen to me?  Have they seen my fruit?  Do I actually know them well enough?  Have I disqualified myself from speaking because of an unresolved wrong I have done to them?  All too often, we leave a comment on a FB post or a website that actually causes more harm than good.  Because our tone cannot be read, all too often, our comment is taken in the worst way imaginable.  We live in a world, in a society, that wants to see Christians in the worst light possible.  We must be careful not to malign the name of Christ.  Does this mean that we don't speak up, to stand for Christ?  NOT AT ALL!  I'm just saying to pray, check with God before you type, or speak.  Check your motivation.  Pray.  Pray before, pray during, and pray after.  And leave the results to God.

"Love the Sinner, Hate the Sin" (part 1)

If you've been a Christian for more than about 15 minutes, you've heard the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin."  It's a paraphrase of a quote from Gandhi.  We can have a discussion on the wisdom of making a Buddhist quote into a tenet of our Christian faith, but that's a discussion for another time...

Today, I want to say that we, as Christians, are actually doing the opposite.  Or at the very least, we are encouraged to, often expected to.

Sadly, we have bought the lie that in order to "love the sinner" we must accept whatever sin is part of his or her life.  I'll use an example that relates close to me.

I easily fall into the sin of worry.  I tend to overthink, to obsess, and then to worry.  A true friend would lovingly ask me if I am worrying.  Something like this, "Yes, what you are dealing with is scary.  Are you trusting God to handle it, or are you spending your time in worry?  How are you handling this?"  Then, they might remind me of God's faithfulness, of His provision, even of His right to do as He pleases with me (even up to, and including, my death).  It wouldn't be easy to hear, no, but a true friend who loves me well would ask, gently and lovingly, where my heart was, and if I had fallen into sin.

The world, and many in the church, would tell us to say, "I understand your worry!  You have every right to worry about this, and anyone who tells you otherwise is just being 'judgey' and harsh!  Just tell them they aren't perfect either."  Sadly, too many times, we do just that.  But that's just an encouragement to sin.

We all have areas of sinfulness, things that tempt us and lure us in.  We need faithful friends who help us to really look at that sin and call it what it is.  We need honest Christians who will help us see the ugliness of disobedience and the separation it causes.  (Not eternal separation for the believer, but a breach in the relationship!)

All too often, under the guise of "understanding," we are the cause of a brother or sister stumbling, or continuing in sin!  This is a serious issue.  Understanding is all well and good, as well as a humble heart that says cries out "There but for the grace of God go I!"  But do not let us use that as an excuse to encourage sin!  Instead, let's warn each other lovingly, openly confess our weaknesses to those who love us enough to call us on our sin.  And then, let's not get prideful and angry when someone warns us.

With a heavy heart, I must say that we have decided to "Love the sin, hate the sinner."  Under the guise of love and acceptance.  Allowing someone you truly love to continue with harmful behavior without warning isn't love, or acceptance.  It's hating them.  Loving someone is wanting what is best for them.  The absolute best is an unhindered relationship with their Savior and God.  Under the guise of "acceptance," we are, all too often, encouraging fellow believers to harm that relationship or unbelievers to forgo that relationship altogether.  How scary would it be to get to eternity and hear that our actions actually hindered someone from coming to salvation!

Leadership Matters

Don't know why this is weighing on me, but it is...

Growing up, I received some pretty theologically awful answers to the hard questions I was prone to ask.  It seemed like any doubting was to be squelched, and tough questions were to be ignored or given pat answers.  Sometimes dangerous pat answers.

Take for instance my (terrifying) question, "What is the unpardonable sin?"  This was a question I asked during my teen years, and was given the answer, "Sinning away the day of grace."  WRONG.  Jesus clearly said that blaspheming the Holy Spirit is the one sin that will not be forgiven.  Anyone with a fairly mediocre reading comprehension can figure that out.  I wanted to know what He meant, but further questioning was highly discouraged, and I spent YEARS terrified that I would commit the unpardonable sin unknowingly, unintentionally.

Or take another situation that faces many people in our churches today -- depression and loneliness.  I'm not talking about cabin fever, or the "let down" feeling that some feel around the holidays each year.  I mean real, dark, clawing loneliness and/or depression that many in our churches struggle with daily.  Growing up, it was made abundantly clear that "real Christians" do not feel abandoned or deep loneliness or depression.  WRONG.  It's sort of the emotional equivalent of telling someone that "real Christians" don't get cancer, or Alzheimer's, or MS, or any myriad other debilitating illnesses.  Christians have the SAME struggles as everyone else.  We are still part of this fallen world.  Joyfully, Christians will NOT feel these things once we've received our new bodies in Heaven, BUT we are not there yet. 

And this is why leadership matters.  Humble leaders will admit they do not have all the answers, but will not grow angry at the questions.  Godly leaders will always root their answers in the Bible, not in a more comfortable tradition of man.  True leaders will be searching the Scriptures, submitting to the correction of the Holy Spirit where they have been wrong, or incorrect in their understanding.

Finding these leaders is not easy.  Often those who encourage questions do not then stand on Scripture.  They do not give Biblically sound answers, and many times their answer will depend entirely on the situation.  Others will root themselves in biblically sounding answers and catch-phrases and angrily reply to earnest questions.  Sadly, both of these types gain a large following.  And lead many astray.

Being this kind of leader isn't easy, either.  Encouraging those under our leadership to question, while admitting we do not have all the answers is humbling.  It's so much easier to give a quick answer, or to grow angry with deeper questioning.

But here is what I remember about growing up in a situation where questions and uncomfortable emotions were met with anger, it teaches that God is not big.  That vision of God is too small.  He created us, He knows us far better than we know ourselves.  He is fully big enough to handle our questions, to guide us into a bigger, better understanding of Himself and His purposes, and plans.

I still struggle with doubts about many things.  Some (not all!) of those doubts and fears probably stem from the theologically unsound answers I received from leaders growing up.  Some of my struggles could have been lessened with answers truly rooted in the Bible.

This is one of the reasons I encourage my girls to ask questions, one of the reasons I encourage them to seek out our pastor to answer questions.  They sit with us during church services, and many times the Doctor or the Cowgirl will have a question about either the passage specifically or about the sermon.  I am many times amazed at their questions, given their relatively young ages.  The Doctor especially asks deep questions.  The Cowgirl often wants to know the traditions, or culture behind the passage.  They are quick to notice inconsistency in either content or application.

Basically, leadership matters.  Their view of God will color your view of God, either to strengthen your faith, or to put stumbling blocks that lead to doubt.  And your view of God will color someone else's.  Be careful whom you follow, and be careful where you lead.

Perspective

Today was the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church.  Of course, our pastor spoke on persecution throughout history, both of the Jewish people, and of Christians.

To say it was a tough sermon would be a gross understatement.  I know it's cliché, but hearing the stories of men, women, children, and families being mistreated, abused, kicked out of their homes, killed, or forced to watch as their family members are killed really brought home how very small my problems are.  And how big God is.

A God who sustains these men and women as they face the worst this world has to offer, and still has time to hear my prayers over the nothingness that are my "needs."  A God who loves those killing His children, loves them enough to save them, should they repent.  And still loves me, in spite of my cowardice.  A God who holds all of history, and chooses, for His own good reasons, to allow this all to happen.  A God who truly sees the big picture of it all, whose heart breaks with His children, and who sings over His sons and daughters.  A God who longs for relationship, and who created that same longing within us.  This same God wants each of us, wants YOU to be His.  How incredible, how amazing is that?!

Praising in the Storm

Two and a half weeks ago, the Engineer spent four days and three nights in the hospital.  Starting on Monday, and ending on Thursday.  It took a couple of days to figure out what was wrong with him.

It started off with a fear of meningitis.  Then, tuberculosis.  The first was quickly ruled out (praise God!).  The second took a little longer...

Wonderful friends took the girls Monday evening (and then again all day Tuesday).  Monday night, I picked up my precious three girlies and was driving home.  I found myself singing.  Softly, almost without thought.

The Cowgirl asked me what I was singing.  So I sang louder.  I sang hymns.  The hymns that contain so very much rich theology.  The hymns that have helped inform my faith.  Hymns by men and women that have loved the Lord, clung to Him through adversity, the likes of which I may never face.  Hymns that stuck in my ears and in my heart.

I found myself, not just clinging to God, but praising Him.  Praising Him for who He is, for how He has gone before.  Through these timeless words penned centuries ago.  Words and melodies that link me to believers long dead, believers that have walked this path before me.  Not just to the hymn-writers, but to the centuries of hymn-singers, as well.  Fellow worshipers who have gone to these same hymns countless times, through adversity, and pain, and plenty, and mountaintops.

And this is why I mourn the loss of hymns in the church.  That link to the past, that theology learned through the music of the saints long past.  The idea that "if others can do this, so can I" that comes almost unconsciously.

Modern music is missing that -- that link to the saints.  It's not long-lasting.  No one in a hundred years will be singing the "praise music" we sing today.  I fear the push to make us "relevant" has made us merely worldly.  Instead of being truly different, truly timeless, we have settled for "cool" and "hip," both concepts that are bound, by definition, to time.

When nothing is different from what folks can find in the gym, or the country club, or even the casino, why would they choose the church? 

When my children go through hard times, will they sing the songs they hear now, ones long out of fashion by then?  Will they go to songs that are in vogue at that time?  Or will the long for something more -- something deeper, something that speaks of saints before clinging to God and the cross?  Will they long for a link to men and women with stories of perseverance through the unthinkable, of a God bigger than all of this life?  And more importantly, will they find that link?  Will it still be there?

What if...

          The first question of the Westminster Shorter Catechism is "What is the chief end of man?"  The answer -- "Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." 

          What if that became our prayer, that we glorify God and enjoy Him -- now, tomorrow, next week, while we're still here?  I don't believe that just because it's the end that it cannot also be the now.

          What if, instead of focusing on all those other things -- things that divide us, like clothes, food, child-rearing, family size, schooling method, and so forth -- we focused on teaching our children, teens, and even fellow adults to seek to "glorify God and enjoy Him" now.  Instead of chasing the latest "Christian" fad (or anti-fad), what if we used the timeless standard of Scripture to encourage one another to do what Christians have been striving to do for two millennia? 

          What if, instead of looking cross-eyed at each other because Christ has called and equipped us as different parts of the same body, we allowed that to be the means of glorifying Him and enjoying Him?  What if, in disagreements over opinion, we encouraged each other the glorify and enjoy God right now, right here in spite of -- and because of -- our differences?

          How could God change us if we focused on glorifying and enjoying Him?  Too many of us either glorify self, or fail to enjoy God, or (in my case) both.

          So, it is my prayer that I begin to glorify God and enjoy Him daily.  I will fail.  I will get discouraged.  I will not "feel" like doing it.  But, with God's help, I will glorify and enjoy Him while in the here and now.  For that is where true joy is found.

Things I Love: My Kids' Friends

We just had the birthday party for the Cowgirl and Fidget.  And I must say -- I LOVE their friends.  Those kids are amazing little people with amazing parents.  Young as they are (and there are some young ones!), they are just a joy to be around.  I am very thankful for them, and for their places in my girls' lives.

Showing love today was easy.  I worked in the church nursery, so that parents could worship without distraction from their babies.  Our church totally welcomes the tinies into service, but we also provide nursery for those who would prefer that time without distraction.  And I so enjoy that small act of service each month.  There truly is nothing quite like snuggling the littles for a couple hours.

Things I Love: Small Changes

         I love small changes.  This is something I've only recently begun to grasp.  See, I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person.  I want to do it all NOW!  And for years (too many to mention), that's precisely what I tried to do.  I tried to make big, sweeping, monumental, change.  Change it all right now.  Turn-myself-into-an-entirely-different-person change.  Knuckle down and add instant discipline.
          Only, my brain doesn't work like that.  I love the planning, the goal-setting, the making stuff to go with the plan.  When it comes to executing the plan, I overdose on change, and usually by Wednesday (if I start the New Plan on Monday), I am done.  D.O.N.E.  I hate the new plan, and myself for failing.
          So, this time, I am doing small changes.  Changes that I can live with.
          Picture it like this...  Have you ever watched an artist paint a picture?  I look at it, think it's beautiful as-is, but the artist adds highlights to the water, making it sparkle; or shadows, highlights, and tiny lines to the trees, making them look real; or impossibly fine lines to a bird, giving it amazing feathers.  This is what I'm talking about -- the seemingly small changes that add so very much.

           How am I loving my family through this?  I am making those small changes, one each week or so, and focusing on that going forward.  I've read that it takes between 21 and 30 days to make a new habit.  I don't know  much truth there is in that, but it makes sense.

           I am also being intentional about which habits I choose.  For far too long, I chose poorly.  I focused on housekeeping solely.  I did not focus on the people in the house I'm keeping.  And my efforts were too large.  I wanted to change my whole routine quickly, and only where the house was concerned.  This time, I have made my first habit something for my husband, the second one has been a housekeeping habit, the third one (which I am starting today) will be focused on my children.  Yes, it means that the housework changes aren't happening as fast as they "could," BUT I have learned that I cannot make too many changes at once, and I am not a compartmentalizing person.  My whole life is integrated, and I must make my habits this way.
          We are also heading to church today, to worship, learn, and fellowship with other believers.  This is a very loving thing, also.  And frequently challenging!
            I ended up staying home with a sick kiddo.  Our oldest ("the doctor") came down with a stomach bug last night.  So I kept her home.

A Deviation from My Normal Posts...

          The church finds herself under attack all the time.  Everywhere.  From within and from without.  That's been the case since Christ instituted the church.  Immediately, persecution from the outside started.  Fairly quickly after that, false teachers sprung up and began leading people astray.

          What concerns me today is not so much "false teaching" precisely, but "false focus" I guess.  We have a problem in the church that disturbs me.  We've decided to focus on how people feel about everything.  From seating to lighting, from service times to music, from children's program to preaching, we concern ourselves with emotions.  And this is dangerous.  Because our emotions are liars!  There are times that I do not feel  like being a wife and mother, or even an adult.  It's a lot of work, frankly, and sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day and eat junk food.  I am also sure that there are days when my husband doesn't feel  like leaving our warm bed and getting up in the dark and heading to work while it's still cold and dark outside.  But he does, and I do, too.  Because, quite simply, it's the right thing to do. 

          How is this relevant to church?  Well, we've gotten off track.  We decided some time ago that a pastor and church's worth was to be found in numbers -- specifically membership/attendance, baptism, and conversions/rededications (number of people who "walk the aisle" each week).  Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't be concerned with winning the lost.  We should.  In fact, we should be more-so than we are.  Specifically, I should be more than I am.  But that's not the pastor's job on Sunday morning.  That's my job.  Each and every day.  Instead, we lay that at his feet, improperly.

          How does a church go about getting these numbers?  The easiest way is to appeal to emotions, without actually convicting anyone.  We've turned "church" into a socially acceptable addiction.  Go for an hour each week, raise your hands to upbeat music, get warm fuzzy feelings during the sermon, walk the aisle with tears streaming down your face, and leave.  No change necessary.  None.  Repeat next week.

          I remember one time my pastor at a church "back home" telling me that he could boost his numbers if he simply played on the emotions of his congregation.  He knew how.  He just refused.  And took a ton of flak for it.  His numbers weren't "high enough."  He told me that he learned at seminary how to craft a sermon in such a way for maximum emotional appeal.  But he wouldn't do it.  To this day, he's one of my favorite human beings on the planet.

          Honestly, this is manipulation, pure and simple.  And it's leading people to hell.  And that scares me.

          I'm not a pastor.  My husband isn't a pastor.  I'm just a member of a good, solid, Bible-teaching church.  It's small, and we don't even actually have an invitation to "walk the aisle" (gasp!)  The pastor there doesn't prey on emotions, but rather just teaches what's in the Bible.  And I've honestly done more growing there than anywhere else.  I've been challenged to rethink things I was sure were sound doctrine.  I've been convicted of sin in my life, of things I was doing that are wrong.

          I firmly believe if we'd stop playing with people's emotions, stop worrying so much about "outcome," success, and failure, we'd see more real change.  Actual change to people's lives that they take out into the world.  And the world will notice.  Jesus said to lift Him up, and HE would draw men to Him.  It's not my job to manipulate people into "coming to Jesus."  It's my job to lift Him up in my life.  It's HIS job to draw people to Himself.