Things I Love: My Backyard

            Today's love is -- my backyard.  It's big, flat, and fenced-in.  I can see it from the big windows in my living room, kitchen and eating area.  I don't really have much to say about it, other than I love being able to allow my children to safely play outside, under supervision, but still with "independence."  Fresh air, sunshine, and active play are very important to growing minds and bodies.  Independence is as well, and supervision is an absolute MUST!  A big, flat, fenced back yard is as close to perfect as any mama could ask for.

 

          So, loving my family today...  we'll probably have dinner and a movie together as a family tonight.  This is generally our "Friday night" routine.  Either tacos or pizza, and some sort of movie.  The girls aren't allowed a lot of "screen time," so this is a big deal to them.  My husband and I may even allow them to have a "sister sleepover" in one of their rooms.

Things I Love: Books

            Day 5's thing -- books.  I am so very thankful for books.

        There are so many things I want to know.  Yet I don't have time to attend classes on all my interests.  In fact, there's probably not enough years in my lifetime for me to attend all those classes.

        But do you know what I can do?  Read a book.  At least then, I will have an idea of whether or not I am interested in pursuing this further.  I can learn at the feet of people I'll never meet -- some of whom died decades or even centuries before me.

        Whole worlds of imagination open up before me, helping me see things in a new way, or maybe an old way that I had never heard of before.  Ideas to challenge my brain and my complacency spring out of the pages as I sit comfortably at home, or less comfortably in a doctor's waiting room, or mostly uncomfortably in the van as we drive across country to visit.

 

        So I teach my children to read.  I let them see me read in down times.  I buy them books, and request books as gifts from friends and family.  I take them to the library (though not as often as I ought.)  I encourage them to read, to find their interests.

        I also incorporate what I have read into my marriage.  I read books about men in general, and husbands in specific.  I weed through and read books that encourage me to be a better wife, to respect my husband, and to love him.  Not in order to manipulate him (though there was a time I thought that way, much to my shame), but so that I can obey God, and because my husband deserves respect and love from me.  Speaking of which, it's time for me to pick up a marriage book.  I'm overdue for one!

Things I Love: Home

          Home.  Just the say the word and most people get some kind of image.  Good or bad, comforting or anxiety-ridden.

          Me?  I love home.  But I don't necessarily define "home" the way most people do.  I moved a whole lot as a child, and the longest I ever lived in one place growing up was 6 years.  There was a time when we moved about once every year to year and a half.  For me, home isn't a place, really.  Or at least not one individual place.  For me, it's where I find those l love the most -- my husband and children.

          My husband and I are from the South.  And we started our marriage in SC.  And I loved it there.  I still do.  I miss things about SC, about the small town where we spent the first bit of our marriage.  The people there, the church we attended and served in, the friends we made, our neighborhood.

          Now, we live in the Southwest.  And I love NM.  I love the weather.  (Who can complain about brilliant blue skies approximately 360 days each year?  I love our church, the people, our neighborhood, and our small town.

          People here always ask if we miss the South, if we'd like to move back.  The answer is yes. When we go back to see family, people there ask us if we like NM, if we like living here.  And the answer is yes.  See, for me, "home" is not a house, but the family IN the house.  It's not about where we do life, but with whom we do life.

          So, how do I love people?  I make a home wherever I find myself.  I don't spend my time looking back, wishing for somewhere I don't live any more.  I miss the people, and feel the sorrow of friendships that aren't the same as they once were.  But I make new friendships. 

 

          I don't discourage my husband by whining about before, and what I miss.  I focus on what we have, and the good I find where I am.  If there are things to be fixed, I look to fix them, or ask him to help me fix them.  I look forward to the future.  Not a future that is really the past, but a future where we are now, or wherever the Lord will take us next.

 

          I encourage my children to be kind and friendly wherever they are, be it in the check-out line of the grocery store, or with the neighbor child. 

 

          The length of the contact should not change how we treat people.  Everyone deserves kindness.  And that is like bringing a little bit of home with you wherever you go.  Graciousness isn't that hard to extend to a total stranger.  And you never know when you're the only kind person they'll deal with all day.  Or when your kindness to a stranger will turn into something much larger, for you or for them.

          Home -- it should be a place of safety and kindness, grace extended and humbly received.  That's why I love home.  Because, truly, you can take home anywhere you go.  And give a bit of home to those around you.

Things I Love: Surprises

          Two of my girls have birthdays coming up.  This, of course, means gifts.  Which brings me to today's "love."

          I love surprises.  Gifts, extra cash to spend, a haircut at my favorite place, an unexpected date night, kitchen gadgets.  I love the unexpected, no matter how "small" it might seem.  I just love surprises.

          Now, the loving others part.  I love to give gifts and surprise others.  My husbands and kids in particular.  I often bring home a small "surprise" for them when I go grocery shopping.

          My husband isn't really much of a "surprise" person.  He doesn't hate them, but he doesn't love them either.  He prefers to be allowed to choose his own gifts, as he has decided opinions on tools and such.  (His standard saying is, "A bad tool is worse than no tool.")  A few times, I've managed to surprise him and have it go well, but mostly I go along with what he has already chosen.  It's better that way for the both of us.  In this way, I show him respect.  And by respecting him, I am loving him well.

          Two of my children love surprises.  My oldest and youngest are very much like me in this regard.  They love to receive things they didn't ask for, largely because they don't even know it exists.  These two are easy to give to, and a joy to do it for because they are usually insanely joyful.  Seriously.  I wish I could show you my oldest child's reaction to almost any surprise, even if it's just, "let's go out to breakfast, just you and me."  She makes you want to do more, just to see her react.  I have to work hard and restrain myself so I don't spoil her too much.  The youngest is very similar, but not to the same extreme.

          My middle child, not so much.  She generally doesn't like surprises.  Her first answer to any question is generally "no," even if the question is "do you want ice cream?"  She takes time to think it through, and then changes her mind.  She has a very few things (usually one or two) things that she really, really wants for gift giving occasions.  And she prefers to be allowed to pick it out.  In the end, she mostly knows what she's getting (or has a pretty good idea.)  And that makes her happy.

          In the end, loving her means not surprising her too much on the important things (like birthdays and Christmas), and selecting a few things she loves for everyday surprises (like doughnuts, or lollipops, or Hello Kitty anything, or hippo anything, or craft supplies).  Even though it goes against the grain for this surprise-loving mama, I do this mostly.

          As I am writing this, I realize that I also need to work with her on receiving graciously.  In the future, this will be something to work on.  Loving her well means also teaching her how to live in community, not simply giving in to her personal preferences.

          Ultimately, surprises are a personal preference.  And I need to remember that, and respect others' preferences in this area.  I admit, this is hard sometimes, as my emotions get ahead of my thoughts.  But I'm learning, and I'm working on it.

Why The June Posts?

        Why am I spending this time writing about things I love, and how I use that to show love to others (mostly)?  Why take a month?

 

        The answer is simple.  I see in myself an ugliness.  An unthankfulness, a lack of graciousness.  I find myself wrapped up in smallness, taking blessings for granted.

 

        So, I am hoping that by focusing on the blessings I have been given, and how I can -- or do -- turn those things around to those around me (mostly my family), that God can use this to retrain me to an attitude centered on thankfulness and humility.

 

        By focusing on the things for which I am thankful, I hope to stop focusing on what is "wrong" (or at least focus less on those things).

 

         By posting here, I hope to add some accountability.  I hope that this will encourage me to follow through.  (Which is something else I am poor at!)

Things I Love: Projects

        Projects!  Oh, how I love projects.  Give me a goal, with an end, and I am happy!  If that end is something tangible, so much better.  Cleaning the house, in one day, and ending with a house that looks fabulous and smells great is doable, even if it takes a couple hours.  Cleaning one room a day, even if it takes only ten minutes, isn't. going. to. happen.  Ever.

        Moving on.  :)

        Today, I have some fun planned to do with my children.  I have a project in mind.  We're going to make bouncy balls.  I bought the few necessary ingredients that we didn't already have on hand, and I am truly excited to try it out.

        If I'm feeling particularly inspired, I'll take pictures and share them here.

        I found the project while trolling Pinterest one day, and the directions are here: 

How to Make a Bouncy Ball

Things I Love: Open Spaces

        Open spaces.  I L-O-V-E open spaces.  Cleared off tables, expanses of counter-top with nothing on them.  Unscheduled blocks of time with nowhere to run off.  A big back yard.  Uncluttered.  Unencumbered.

        I have to admit I haven't always known this about myself.  One year at the state homeschool convention,  I heard a wonderful speaker.  She had 10 children, and she was Organized.  (Yes, with a capital "O."  At least in my mind.)  She had this amazing schedule color-coded by child (I think), and in 15-minute increments.  15. minute. increments.  Seriously.

        I have always longed to be organized.  Even if it only has a lower-case "o."  So I tried her amazing system.  I had fun planning out the schedule, coming up with the spreadsheet, color-coded by child.

        Monday came, and I did OK.  Tuesday was not as OK.  By Wednesday, I was ready to burn the schedule, and hurt anyone who asked about it.  I loathed that thing.  It allowed no "life" to my way of thinking.  It was killing the joy of living for me.  And I felt guilty.  Like a failure.  Because I "had so little self-control" that I couldn't even abide by a schedule I had created myself!

        What I failed to realize is that I thrive on the open spaces.  The blank pages on a calendar are for me.  Some people need to know everything about every moment of every day.  Not me.  I have a more "creative" bent, one that requires allowances for "in the moment" moments.  It's not lack of discipline.  It's my bent.

       

        Now the part about loving others -- I love my family by using this bent to steward my children's childhood.  Because that's part of my job as their mother -- to steward their childhood.  So, we don't do sports teams and dance and various homeschool group classes/events.  These are all good things, all things that our girls might enjoy.  All things that our friends do with their children.  And things that we might do in limited quantities as our girls grow.  But for now, the girls need time to play, to pursue their own interests, to craft and create.  To experiment and grow.  Mostly, they need time to move.  And moving is hard to do if they are cooped up in a car all day, shuttled from one activity to another.  So, they have a big back yard, and a cleared-off table, and largely unscheduled days.

        I love my husband with this because I have meals ready when he gets home, and am not frustrated at my "lack of discipline" to get it all done.  I can enjoy our time as a family because I have not over-taxed myself by trying to live someone else's life.

        This free schedule also frees us to love others as a family.  The girls and I can say "yes" to helping out because so little of our time is already earmarked for other things.  And I can still minister to my family -- my husband and the girls because I am not beating myself up over not getting it "all done."

        Time, space, and energy are all finite resources.  The inability to "do it all" isn't a lack of self-discipline.  It's really just honesty.  With myself, with my family, and with others.  And who doesn't love honesty?