I love surprises. Gifts, extra cash to spend, a haircut at my
favorite place, an unexpected date night, kitchen gadgets. I love the unexpected, no matter how "small"
it might seem. I just love surprises.
Now, the loving others part. I love to give gifts and surprise
others. My husbands and kids in
particular. I often bring home a small
"surprise" for them when I go grocery shopping.
My husband isn't really much of a
"surprise" person. He doesn't
hate them, but he doesn't love them either.
He prefers to be allowed to choose his own gifts, as he has decided
opinions on tools and such. (His
standard saying is, "A bad tool is worse than no tool.") A few times, I've managed to surprise him and
have it go well, but mostly I go along with what he has already chosen. It's better that way for the both of us. In this way, I show him respect. And by respecting him, I am loving him well.
Two of my children love
surprises. My oldest and youngest are
very much like me in this regard. They
love to receive things they didn't ask for, largely because they don't even
know it exists. These two are easy to
give to, and a joy to do it for because they are usually insanely joyful. Seriously.
I wish I could show you my oldest child's reaction to almost any surprise,
even if it's just, "let's go out to breakfast, just you and me." She makes you want to do more, just to see
her react. I have to work hard and
restrain myself so I don't spoil her too much.
The youngest is very similar, but not to the same extreme.
My middle child, not so much. She generally doesn't like surprises. Her first answer to any question is generally
"no," even if the question is "do you want ice cream?" She takes time to think it through, and then
changes her mind. She has a very few
things (usually one or two) things that she really, really wants for gift giving occasions. And she prefers to be allowed to pick it out. In the end, she mostly knows what she's
getting (or has a pretty good idea.) And
that makes her happy.
In the end, loving her means not
surprising her too much on the important things (like birthdays and Christmas),
and selecting a few things she loves for everyday surprises (like doughnuts, or
lollipops, or Hello Kitty anything, or hippo anything, or craft supplies). Even though it goes against the grain for
this surprise-loving mama, I do this mostly.
As I am writing this, I realize that I
also need to work with her on receiving graciously. In the future, this will be something to work
on. Loving her well means also teaching
her how to live in community, not simply giving in to her personal preferences.
Ultimately, surprises are a personal
preference. And I need to remember that,
and respect others' preferences in this area.
I admit, this is hard sometimes, as my emotions get ahead of my
thoughts. But I'm learning, and I'm
working on it.
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