Things I Love: Open Spaces

        Open spaces.  I L-O-V-E open spaces.  Cleared off tables, expanses of counter-top with nothing on them.  Unscheduled blocks of time with nowhere to run off.  A big back yard.  Uncluttered.  Unencumbered.

        I have to admit I haven't always known this about myself.  One year at the state homeschool convention,  I heard a wonderful speaker.  She had 10 children, and she was Organized.  (Yes, with a capital "O."  At least in my mind.)  She had this amazing schedule color-coded by child (I think), and in 15-minute increments.  15. minute. increments.  Seriously.

        I have always longed to be organized.  Even if it only has a lower-case "o."  So I tried her amazing system.  I had fun planning out the schedule, coming up with the spreadsheet, color-coded by child.

        Monday came, and I did OK.  Tuesday was not as OK.  By Wednesday, I was ready to burn the schedule, and hurt anyone who asked about it.  I loathed that thing.  It allowed no "life" to my way of thinking.  It was killing the joy of living for me.  And I felt guilty.  Like a failure.  Because I "had so little self-control" that I couldn't even abide by a schedule I had created myself!

        What I failed to realize is that I thrive on the open spaces.  The blank pages on a calendar are for me.  Some people need to know everything about every moment of every day.  Not me.  I have a more "creative" bent, one that requires allowances for "in the moment" moments.  It's not lack of discipline.  It's my bent.

       

        Now the part about loving others -- I love my family by using this bent to steward my children's childhood.  Because that's part of my job as their mother -- to steward their childhood.  So, we don't do sports teams and dance and various homeschool group classes/events.  These are all good things, all things that our girls might enjoy.  All things that our friends do with their children.  And things that we might do in limited quantities as our girls grow.  But for now, the girls need time to play, to pursue their own interests, to craft and create.  To experiment and grow.  Mostly, they need time to move.  And moving is hard to do if they are cooped up in a car all day, shuttled from one activity to another.  So, they have a big back yard, and a cleared-off table, and largely unscheduled days.

        I love my husband with this because I have meals ready when he gets home, and am not frustrated at my "lack of discipline" to get it all done.  I can enjoy our time as a family because I have not over-taxed myself by trying to live someone else's life.

        This free schedule also frees us to love others as a family.  The girls and I can say "yes" to helping out because so little of our time is already earmarked for other things.  And I can still minister to my family -- my husband and the girls because I am not beating myself up over not getting it "all done."

        Time, space, and energy are all finite resources.  The inability to "do it all" isn't a lack of self-discipline.  It's really just honesty.  With myself, with my family, and with others.  And who doesn't love honesty?